For the past 12 to 18 months, I’ve felt like I have not had a home.
I’ve moved house. I’ve moved city. I’ve moved country. I’ve moved country again.
But still, no home.
I’ve felt unsettled, untethered.
Allez-Cat, the loose cannon.
Over the past few weeks though, I’ve had time and space. Time and space to think. To not think. To empty my mind and focus on everything. To focus on nothing.
I’ve not had a job for the past month, and it’s been a mixture of excitement and fear. Excitement for the opportunity to move my life in a new direction – to take on new challenges and to listen to my heart. Fear of not getting a job, and continuing to feel like I’m freewheeling.
Or, thriving and living?
That’s where the excitement lies. Not being bound to any place, or any one. It’s a very liberated place to be.
I came across a quote from Maya Angelou, an American author, poet and civil rights activist. The quote spoke to my heart, my soul, and my anxieties.
You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.
This morning I felt a warmth. A comfort. A long lost feeling of belonging.
I can ascribe it to one thing: finally feeling home.
Home is the knowledge that my heart and my love lay in the mountains. Looking back to pictures from Switzerland and Nepal, although giving me itchy feet, remind me of where I can call home: a mental state – somewhere above the clouds Whether my body is there or not, it doesn’t matter.
Home is in the mind and the heart.
Home is not where the body is, but where the heart is. When my head and my feet tell me that I do not belong, I let my heart remind me that I am in fact, always home. Home is love. The last few months have been unsettled, but keeping a strong emotional connection of love has helped provide a sense of calm.
If you’re feeling lost, untethered, or free-wheeling, root yourself to what you love. The person you love. The feeling that somebody might give you. Find comfort and peace in knowing that you do have a home. It might not be a house, a city, or a place. But where there is love, there is a home.
Written on 2 February 2016